Adult-ish

Used by Permission from T. Martureo

I would like to discuss a seemingly innocuous phrase or commentary or attitude. But what is spoken with the intention of being funny, I believe that it can be a very dangerous thing, especially as it relates toward children and developing a foundation for their life and successful maturation into adulthood.

When grown-ups comedically use there term adulting, there always seem to be a little disdained resignation to that reality. “I don’t want to adult today.” “Adulting is hard.” Oh man, we have to be adults now.”

I recognize that those are silly statements and we think that if they are benignly said, that they are also benignly received, but I am concerned that that is not the case. I know that, or I hope, that no one who says those things or something similar are purposely attempting to sabotage these little ones, but damage is being done.

I first wish to speak about the dangers of making ‘adulting’ a bad thing, or at least an unwanted thing, and then I will give my observational points to back up these ‘puberty blocking’ statements that are stunting the human growth process in a societal sense.

As we mature and age, more expectations and responsibilities come to be realized and understood. I am able to do things that as a child I could not or it would have been ill-advised to do so. A seven year old has not reached the cognizance nor the physicality of being able to drive or to drive with constancy and consistency in a safe manner.

Many things, right or wrong, have limits. There is an age in which one can receive a driver’s license, be able to hold a job, to be able to legally drink, and also to vote.

And common sense is such that we know, or hopefully know, that it is unwise for give a four year old a running chainsaw. The older we get the more of those rights, responsibilities, expectations, and reasonable assumptions are considered, shall we say, to be built into one’s maturity.

I want mature, rational, thinking people to be accountable for government, for financial, for ethical, and for policing issues and situations that will be thrown at us in life. I desire that any advisor I may employ on my behalf can and will make decisions that are age appropriate as much as possible. A five year old that is in charge of my bank account and authorized to spend on it, will undoubtably purchase many things, while perhaps more fun and more sugary, those things are not in my best interests knowing that bills, utilities, food, and other budgetary resources are needed and monies should be allocated to those areas.

Adulting requires making some hard and tough determinations. I am all for spending paycheck after paycheck on Lego products, but eventually any surplus of income will be depleted. And though Lego is fun, it is not easy to assemble Lego in a car down by the river.

And as we so cavalierly whine about our need to be an adult, and usually we say that bemoaningly in a child-like voice, ‘I don’t wanna,’ we undermine and shirk our own personal obligation to ‘man up’ or ‘woman up’ to the duties that are a part of our own and society’s full development.

In other words, we need to grow up and take that seriously. That, by no means, is a clarion call to no longer enjoy, play, relax, and even let loose, but as the writer of Ecclessiastes would pen, “There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven.”

So I am not a killjoy for fun. After all, I recognize that many of the highest paid people in the world today wear costumes and throw, kick, or pass balls around. Not to mention a completely different group of people who dress up and play pretend both on the big screen, on a stage, or through transmitted waves into our living rooms.

But, we must not make growing up or growing old a bad thing. It is one of the most natural things, and the course that time leads to, whether it is desired or not. And when I stomp my feet, flail to the ground with screams of, ‘don’t wanna’ of ‘won’t grow up’ as if I am the embodiment of Peter Pan, that is not only counter productive to who I am to be, but also I place in jeopardy the health and well being of those who have entrusted themselves under my care.

My concern is, then, that not wanting to take the needed responsibility that has been mandated to adults, we are, in fact, modeling an escapist ideology for our younger generation. And not only that, perhaps we are instilling fear and trepidation to our children about the pitfall and danger of the uncertain perils that await those who would so foolishly dare to become grown.

Which now brings me to my observations. One trend that is both interesting and alarming is that while many young people go to college, the Census Bureau indicated the 59% of men 18-24 are still living at home, while 50% of women are still at home who are that same age. A later survey states 33% of 25-29 year olds live with their parents and grandparents. While that is not necessarily a bad thing, and reasons are varied, it is striking to note that perhaps we have not made ready these individuals for “on your own” living.

I also recognize the statement that young people are having to grow up too fast. It is true, that young people, those in high school, middle school, and sadly now even in elementary school are being bombarded and exposed to many things that are not age appropriate, be it of a sexual nature, violence, hate speech and action, bullying, open availability of indecent content. But unfair and unneeded exposure does not equate with growing up. The mind is still processing, in general, at one’s physical age.

And I believe that this exposure also contributes to the inability or the unsuccessfulness of become responsible, reasonable, and functioning adults. That is to say, maturity is lagging. I realize that this is purely observation and I am speaking only in generalities, it does, though, stand in line with common sense, that while kids are being exposed to adult/mature themes at a larger and repetitive rate, they still are at a handicap because of their development in the areas of the mental, emotional, rational, and the moral.

In a Psychology Today article listing what the signs of maturity are, we can notice that these young adults in their twenties and thirties, once again in general but can be backed up by all of the social media content that is easily accessible, are showing the stunted behaviors of immaturity, when they ought to be moving closer to what we would call a responsible, rational, and reasonable steps and actions of a mature person.

The childlike actions of an immature adults include, to name a few, escalating emotional outbursts, lying, placing blame on others, name-calling. If, in the midst of having conversation, dialogue, and debate, one resorts to screaming, deflecting, and aggression due to the sense of either not being heard or of losing the argument, we have now exhibited the behavior of a toddler.

Anger without restraint also seems to be a ‘go to’ method. “We have a right to be angry,” as real or supposed injustices are occurring or have occurred. But for me to throw a hissy fit and then demand that I am then to be taken seriously, that seems highly unlikely. What if we as adults, take adulting by the horns, accepting that role and become an example to the younger ones showing them the benefits, rights, and rewards from adulting?

These are merely my observations. And I welcome feedback, as long as you don’t disagree with me and are not mean to me. Then I will have no choice to block you or unfriend you. See what I did there? ;). Happy growing up.